So this is a sentimental post. I am not sure really how many people will read it. But i wanted to write about my thoughts at this time, my thoughts are all very jumbled so bare with me.
Today I found out that I will be an aunt again. My brother Chance and his wife megan are pregnant with their first baby. I know they are most likely not going to read this, but oh well. Anyways. I am very happy for them. Really and truely am. But at the same time...sad...
For those who do not know Scott and I have been trying for a baby for a while and we are still not pregnant. But things were good before this. Scott gave me a blessing and I felt very comforted that things would happen in the Lord's time. However, today hearing that wonderful news, broke me down quiet a lot. I do not remember the last time I ran to my room threw myself on my bed and cried. And cried and kept crying. I went for comfort to my best friend Carrie. Scott was at work at the time and I did not want to worry him. Carrie loved me and helped me realize that it would all be okay. She went through the same thing. And I know that many people do. Still the feelings lingered and I still needed to cry. So I cried for a couple more hours.
I felt robbed and that it was all unfair. I have been married longer than my brother and Scott and I have been trying longer. My brother and his wife got pregnant within the first week or so of trying. So that made it even worse. I kept feeling like something is wrong with me and why me? Pity party on my end. Scott came home and held me for hours. Loving me and soothing me. I finally cried myself to sleep with a massive migraine. Woke up, feel numb and here we are.
I know that the Lord has a plan for me, and tells me to be patient, that my time will come. And the truth is. When people are trying to get pregnant, everyone around them starts to get pregnant before they do. I can do nothing now except wait and hope. I know that many people have gone through this, and for those women, they understand how I feel. Sometimes women do not want advice or to hear "I have been there too" sometimes women just want to know that its okay to cry and say....life's not fair sometimes.
But through all of this, I know that in time i will come to feel very happy for them completely. For megan is healthy and so is their baby. And that is what is really important.
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4 comments:
Hey Cait! Wow, I know EXACTLY how you feel.
It took us 15 months to get little kader tot- and when I prayed about it I got the same feeling that it was on the Lord's time. After trying for a year it got really tough when I would go to church and see all these babies- I kept thinking how come it is taking me so long? I remember going to the temple and THERE is where I felt so much comfort. It is definitely a TRIAL but I know the Lord has not forgotten you!!
Love ya girly!
Hang in there! Like you said, sometimes hearing other people's experiences is really annoying, but if you want to talk, I love to listen.
I know, this baby making business is hard stuff. I will shut up and cry with you if it makes things better. :)
Let it out, girl! I know Heavenly Father hears you. My thoughts are with you! We miss you guys!
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